


How Did We Get Here?

by CocoG



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Guest appearances from Rocco and Elisa, Hopeful Ending, MC just wants answers, Marisol doesn't know how to have feelings, Post-Break Up, angsty, sorry about that, this is a hot mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoG/pseuds/CocoG
Summary: “Oh my God! You broke up with me, you do not get to be this mad!” Megan was furious. It had been little over a month since Marisol had told her that things weren’t working out, that her feelings had changed and she couldn’t do ‘this’ anymore.And yet.And yet somehow here they were, arguing in a deserted alley behind a party one of their mutual friends was throwing. A party which, for some unfathomable reason, Marisol had brought a date to.Marisol walked out on Megan a month ago. Things don't go well when they see each other again.
Relationships: Marisol/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	How Did We Get Here?

“Oh my God! _You_ broke up with _me_, you do not get to be this mad!” Megan was furious. It had been little over a month since Marisol had told her that things weren’t working out, that her feelings had changed and she couldn’t do ‘this’ anymore.  
And yet.  
And yet somehow here they were, arguing in a deserted alley behind a party one of their mutual friends was throwing. A party which, for some unfathomable reason, Marisol had brought a date to.  
“How can you possibly have the balls to come at me and be mad that I was dancing with someone, _just dancing_, when you literally turned up to this event with Rocco on your arm?! I mean for Christ’s sake, let the corpse of our relationship go cold Mari!”  
Marisol visibly flinched at the nickname and the words that preceded it, but didn’t back down. “I would hardly call what you and Elisa were doing ‘just dancing’ Megan” she hissed, “she was practically inside you in front of everyone.”  
Throwing her hands up in frustration Megan tried desperately not to cry. “What do you want from me? Seriously Marisol, I’m at a loss here. You ended things with me, you asked me not to contact you, not to _fight_ for you!” She was losing the battle, could feel her throat getting tighter, eyes welling up. “I respected your wishes even though it _killed_ me, what more could you possibly want from me?”  
“I…” For the first time an emotion other than anger flashed through her ex-girlfriend’s eyes. Uncertainty. She hid it quickly, but Megan knew her, knew her better than anyone ever had, and she pounced.  
“You what? Hmm? You realise that you’re being a massive fucking hypocrite? You didn’t actually expect that I’d show my face here after you took my heart and fucking annihilated it? What?! Or is it just that you didn’t think that I’d fight back?”  
Marisol forced her eyes to the gravel beneath them, not wanting Megan to see the teary shine they held. She knew that she was being out of order, she wasn’t quite as self-involved as to think her reaction was okay. But something in her had snapped when she saw what was happening ten feet away from her.  
Megan had been dancing freely, her body swaying with the heavy bass, her glorious chestnut hair framing her face in a way that made Marisol’s whole body ache. She allowed herself to watch for a moment, hidden as she was by the heaving mass of bodies that separated them. If she hadn’t they wouldn’t be here now. A hand had wrapped itself around Megan’s waist and she had turned her head, smiling, to greet the person it belonged to, moving her own hand on top to wrap around her more securely. Marisol had watched, heart thumping faster with every moment that passed, as Elisa pulled her ex-girlfriend flush against her, whispering in her ear with a wicked smirk. When the influencers lips had moved to Megan’s neck she burst forward, closing the distance quickly and with a single-minded focus that ignored her own date standing next to her.  
Which brings them to now. Marisol had grabbed Megan’s wrist and all but dragged her outside through the fire-escape, neither of them saying a word until they were free of prying eyes.  
“I just… I couldn’t help it.” Marisol had always had trouble expressing her feelings. It wasn’t necessarily that she was unaware of them, but finding the words to explain how she was feeling had always been a struggle. It was something that had been causing problems even before she and Megan had become a thing, had considerably delayed their getting together even. But here, in this moment, with Megan looking at her like her heart was breaking all over again, she knew she had to try. “I saw you and Elisa dancing and I freaked. I’m sorry.”  
Megan froze, clearly taken aback by the apology. “What?”  
“I’m sorry. I overreacted.” Marisol sniffled a little and compelled herself to maintain eye contact. “I just… wasn’t expecting it. To see you and her. God, she always wanted you and you were always so _oblivious_ to it. When I saw her finally making a move I snapped, and for that I really am sorry.”  
“For that?” For the first time Megan allowed herself to look, really look, at her ex. In spite of being the one who ended things, Marisol didn’t look like she was in a good place. Her make-up was as flawless as ever, but for someone as deeply in love with her as Megan was, there was no hiding the dark shadows under her eyes, or the way her frame was slimmer, like she hadn’t been looking after herself. “What about for everything else?”  
“What?”  
“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Megan took a step closer, still upset but softened ever so slightly. “You walked out on me. You promised me the world and then changed your mind and walked out on me, on _us_, right when we were on the cusp of having everything.”  
Another step closer, Marisol drew in a ragged breath. “I don’t want to talk about this.”  
“Really?” Yet another step closer, her proximity causing Marisol’s heart to stutter. “Well tough, because I deserve an explanation.”  
“Megan, please. It’s over now, we’re done, there’s nothing left to talk about.”  
“If we’re so done then why can’t you look at me? Marisol.” Megan reached out and gently, so gently, gripped her ex-girlfriend’s jaw, forcing watery eyes to look into her own. For the moment she put aside how even the slightest of touches between them made her heart beat faster and her skin erupt in goosebumps. “Mari, what happened? What happened to us? I thought we were doing great, we talked about buying a flat together, getting a dog, and then it was like a switch flipped in your head.”  
Marisol shook her head, tears streaming silently down her cheeks. “I just couldn’t.”  
“Couldn’t what?” Her thumb wiped tears away, although Megan’s own eyes continued to overflow. Marisol’s hand came up to cover her own, eyes closing as she tried to regain her composure.  
“I just couldn’t do it. Commit to all of that with you. It was too much. It _is_ too much.” Marisol’s breath hitched at the hurt that immediately made itself known on her ex-girlfriend’s face. “I’m sorry.”  
“Hey, no, it’s okay.” Megan removed her hand and took a step back, clearing her throat as she forced her expression back into a neutral one. “I asked right? I might not like the answer but at least I got one.”  
Marisol felt like she was drowning, but Megan wasn’t finished yet.  
“I should have seen it,” she wiped her eyes with a sad smile. “I was just so happy you know? I thought you were too. I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that I was the only one. I should uh, probably go. You wanted a clean break after all. Enjoy the rest of your night. I’ll see you around.”  
She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe as Megan walked away from her, long legs carrying her further and further out of her life.  
“Wait!”  
That beautiful face turned around to look at her, but Megan’s walls were well and truly up. “I um, I don’t think I can talk to you any more, not tonight at least. Please respect that. I get that we probably should talk some more but let me lick my wounds a bit first eh?”  
“Megan…”  
“Call me sometime yeah?”  
“Please come back”  
Megan had already gone. Back through the door, swallowed up instantly by the crowd. She sunk to her knees, chest heaving but unable to draw a breath, whole body shaking.  
That was how Rocco found her, with sobs wracking her frame and a hopelessness he didn’t know how to deal with. “Come on babe, let's get you home” he murmured softly, putting a supportive hand under her arm.  
“It’s over.”  
“I know, you told me when you asked me to come with you tonight.”  
“No, no you don’t get it.” She shrugged him off, staggering to her feet. “She was right there, two feet away from me and I made everything so much worse. She’s never going to talk to me again.”  
Rocco was understandably confused. “Isn’t that a good thing? I mean, that’s usually what someone wants when they break up with their girlfriend.”  
“Does it look like a good thing?!” Marisol glared at him through her tears “God, Megan is… she’s the love of my life, and I’m such an emotional cripple that I don’t know how to express it to her. And I could have, she was standing in front of me, giving me the chance to explain after all the shit I pulled, and I did nothing. I’m pathetic.”  
“Come on Marisol, I’m sure it’s not that bad. She sent me out here to get you, she must care at least a bit.”  
“She what?” It came out sharp, confused.  
“Yeah, she came up to me at the bar and said you were out here and you could maybe do with a friendly face.”  
“How was she?”  
“Honestly? Megan and I aren’t particularly close, I think me grafting on you closed that door forever.” Marisol winced at the memory of yet another poor decision in her past. “But she didn’t look great. Like she was a second away from bursting into tears. I think she went home.”  
Marisol pulled her phone out of her bag, ignoring Rocco’s confused gaze.  
“I need to see her. I’m going to call a cab, you should go back inside.”  
“Babe, are you sure that’s a good idea? Can it not wait until tomorrow?”  
“No.” Marisol’s whole body was screaming with the urgency of needing to fix this and fix it now. With every second that passed it felt like the window to making Megan understand was closing faster and faster. “It needs to be now. I’m not going home until I talk to her.”  
“Okay, okay, I’ll put you in a taxi then.”

As the taxi pulled up outside of Megan’s building Marisol almost felt herself waver. But something had changed tonight. That look in Megan’s eyes as she implored her to talk, the way her hand had wiped her tears, the feeling that this incredible woman would even give her the time of day after the way she had behaved, she couldn’t pretend that it didn’t affect her anymore.  
Marisol had made a lot of mistakes in regards to their relationship since they had met, and she bitterly regretted every one of them. Mistakes that had been fueled by her own petty jealousy and insecurities. From the first second she had seen Megan upon arriving in the villa she had felt a surge of attraction so powerful she was knocked for six. She had known she was bisexual for a long time, but this was a new feeling entirely and she handled it badly.  
Marisol had tried to keep her distance; to concentrate on Gary, Rocco, Graham, but Megan was like the sun, drawing her into her orbit without even realising she was doing it. She had really tried to make things work with Graham, he was safe, dependable, into her. But that spark she was eternally in search of just wasn’t there. Megan on the other hand, _terrified_ her. To be falling this hard this fast wasn’t something that Marisol was prepared for, and she still struggled with it, even now.  
Yet Megan never wavered. Always there with a secret smile and a flirty comment, it was inevitable that Marisol fell in love with her. And God, was she in love with Megan. Even after removing herself from the other woman's life a month ago she still occupied Marisol's every thought and she couldn’t foresee a time that she wouldn’t.  
Making her way slowly up in the elevator, Marisol tried to plan what she was going to say, but the doors parted before she could come up with the right words. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself she knocked once, twice, on the door of the flat that had once felt like home to her.  
After what felt like a year the door slowly opened to reveal Megan, eyes puffy and red, hair tied into a haphazard bun, and dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that Marisol recognised as her own.  
“Hey, I’m sorry to just turn up like this, can I please come in?” Doing a commendable job of not showing how badly she was shaking, “I need to explain some things to you.”  
“Marisol can we not do this right now? You made yourself clear, you don’t want me the way I want you, you don’t need to explain yourself any more.” When Marisol made no move to turn around and leave again, simply gesturing to the door, Megan reluctantly opened it wider to allow her through.  
“Thank you.”  
They made their way over to the couch, Marisol reveling in the familiar smells and sights she hadn’t allowed herself to miss. Megan, for her part, was watching her closely, eyes guarded and arms around herself protectively.  
“So. You have the floor” Megan waved her hand uselessly, nervous about what was about to come from her ex-girlfriend’s mouth.  
“Right.” She swallowed anxiously. “I want to start by saying sorry. Again. The way we left things just now, it wasn’t what I wanted, what I intended… I didn’t know you were going to be there tonight. It was naive of me and stupid, but I’ve just been trying so hard not to think about you that when I saw you right there in front of me I didn’t know what to do.”  
Megan scoffed, “So you decided that dragging me outside to fight was the best option?”  
“I was wrong. I know that. You’re right to be pissed off, God knows I’m furious with myself as well.” She paused for a long moment, deep in thought. “Do you remember when we got together? I said that I wasn’t scared when it came down to it? That I was just excited to say your name?”  
“Of course” Megan replied quietly, her mouth quirked into a half smile. “I was so happy, so proud that you were willing to put yourself out there for me.”  
“Well I meant it. That night at the firepit… every day with you you’ve made it easy to fall in love with you, and I know, I didn’t make it easy.” They both chuckled at that. “But… I’ve never been good at saying how I feel, that’s my own fault, and I’ve been talking to someone about it since we broke up, I’m trying to get better.”  
Marisol took a deep breath, lifting her head so that there was no way she could be misunderstood. “The truth is, I am so in love with you that I am terrified every single day that I’m going to lose you, some days it's like I can't breathe. It's paralysing. Like I’m going to do the wrong thing, I'll say something to upset you, that you’ll realise that you are so far out of my league that I’m not worth the hassle. I want, no, I _need_ you to understand that I didn’t leave you because of something that you did. You’re perfect. You've always been so perfect." She lifted a shaking hand to stroke Megan's face. "I left because I loved you so much that I felt like I was losing myself.”  
“Marisol…”  
She put her hand on Megan’s, a plea to let her finish her thoughts, which was silently granted.  
“You have always been so amazing, so incredibly kind and loving, that I knew that if we were ever to have a real shot at being together I needed to get help. That if I told you how I was feeling you’d reassure me and for a minute my insecurities would go away. But they always come back. I regret the way I did things, I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that if I ended things with us that it would give me a chance to get my head on straight and try to have something healthier for both of us. I made the wrong decision. I should have been honest with you. Leaving you, _hurting_ you? It’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I will never stop apologising for it.”  
They were both crying again, but this time their hands were clasped tightly together, neither willing to break the contact.  
Megan knew how difficult it was, had always been, for Marisol to make herself vulnerable like this. Even in their happiest moments she had always held a little of herself back, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her heart was breaking for the other woman, knowing now how difficult it must have been for her to have all of these fears and not feel like she could talk about them.  
“Marisol I am so sorry.”  
“You have nothing to apologise for...”  
“You got your chance, I’m going to talk now okay?” Megan's voice was firm, but her eyes were soft, full of love as she brushed a strand of Marisol’s hair from her face. “I’m sorry that you've been feeling like this and it's causing you so much pain. I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about how you were feeling. Mostly I’m sorry that you were going through this on your own.  
“Marisol, I love you. All I want is for you to feel safe and happy and loved. If us being together gets in the way of that then I can step aside. It’ll hurt but it will be worth it in the long run if it means that you're okay. But _I_ need _you_ to understand this. I will fight to my dying breath for you to know how in love with you I am, that I am in this with you, I’m not going anywhere. You’re it for me, till my drumming arms don’t work anymore and you’re a High Court judge they teach kids about in law school. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy, if you’ll let me.”  
Marisol released a wet chuckle. “You mean I haven’t ruined us for good?”  
“Baby _no_” Megan held her face as she kissed her forehead tenderly. “We can get through this, whatever it takes. If you need more time then that’s okay, we can take things slow, I would wait forever.”  
“I don’t want to. Take things slow I mean.”  
“No?”  
“No” she shook her head, “a month is long enough to be away from you, I can’t bear another day.”  
“Neither can I.” There was finally a real smile lighting up Megan's face, and Marisol again realised how stupid she’d been to ever think that she could live without this woman. “Is there anything I can do, to make things better for you?”  
“Uh...” Marisol looked a little uncertain again, Megan brought their joined hands up to kiss her knuckles in reassurance. “Would you maybe come to a session with me? My therapist thinks a few couples sessions might help me with my communication.”  
“Of course!”  
“Really?” She frowned in confusion, “You’d go to couples therapy with me?”  
Megan laughed in relief. “Marisol, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to get us back, and if telling a therapist about my childhood traumas is what it takes then so be it.” Her expression went tender again, eyes drifting to Marisol’s lips before making their way up to adoring eyes that were slowly getting darker. “Can I kiss you? I know that we…”  
Megan was cut off by Marisol’s mouth meeting hers in a kiss that felt like coming home. “I love you Megan, I’m sorry that I ever made you doubt that. I'll fix us, I swear, whatever it takes."  
"Whatever it takes." And as Megan pulled Marisol tightly against her, she knew that she had never meant anything more.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far, thank you. Feel free to drop me a comment, I'm a grown-up, I can take it.


End file.
